Hey guys. It’s spring. I redid my backyard just so that I can have you all over.

I can’t wait, guys! Let the good times BBQ bonanzas roll! You’ll know who I am because I’ll be the one wearing wearing shorts and Toms (with no socks) all weekend.

This Week, Meat Picnic continues to disturb in their most recent segment, “The Bath”. Do not view unless you think abortion humor is funny. Hooray to Misery.

Hey, guys, so there’s this really funny video? Made by Superdeluxe? A Web site you should all check out? Because it’s amazing? Also because friends Gabe and Jenny have a series there? Also because my future husband if he was gay, Brad Neely, is there? Also because of this, which I made a YouTube style reaction video to:

As much as I love this video I couldn’t help but wonder… what the fuck is a butternut reduction? Read More!

The Pope-a-Ratzi is in town! Happy Mexicans are coming out of the shadows to see him. But guess who’s not so feliz lately? Why, it’s your favorite Junior Senator from New York and aspiring Editor in Chief of these United States, HRC. Despite winning a majority of the votes from the most important voting bloc in the country, Hillary just can’t seem to woe the superdelegates as much as Barry Obama. ¿Cuál es un superdelegate, mista? Oh silly! They are peeps with large amount$ of street cred in the Democratic party and lately Team Clinton just cannot siphon off their support for him. Poor Shmoops.

So it came as no surprise to me when over an VIP breakfast at Balthazar with the Pope, that he himself would publicly endorse Barack Obama. HOLY MOLY! I nearly spit up my eggs en concotte on his sour cream hazelnut waffles. Is that even possible?

“It shall be done!” he declared.

Word.

It got me thinking, if his holiness could come out for Barry O then who else would be in line to embrace Hope™ and endorse him. Read More!

This week Meat Picnic bring you a look into the life of a humble housewife. Watch at your own risk, it’s not for the faint of heart. All I could think after viewing this was how much I love the the term “virgin starfruit.”

Weakly Meat Picnic Episode 9 - Domesticity from Meat Picnic on Vimeo.

So I was in a guided meditation yesterday after yoga class. Yeah, yuck it up. Make fun of me now get it out. Feel better now? I bet you don’t, because making fun of people makes you nothing but an ugly person on the inside. Also, Ugly On The Inside. And if you enjoyed that title, IMDB says you might also enjoy Nudity Required. Just in case I haven’t driven the point home, here’s a look at the inside of your soul and it looks just like the inside of the Coyote Ugly:

So at one point we were asked to visualize someone who annoys us/that we dislike. I had this sudden realization I am incapable of picturing anyone I dislike as anything but a strange caricature of themselves. For example,the person I visualized has a wimpy jaw… but in my head it was ridiculous and jowell like. This leads me to the obvious conclusion that all caricature artists in Times Square and other tourist ridden areas are driven entirely by a combination of hate and creativity.

Unfortunately my visualizations are not so creative. After the jump, I have prepared an exercise to help you understand what my mind does to people who get on my bad side. Read More!

Welcome Gambypants to the Social Crisis. He’s come here to share his dreams and pundit inspired hallucinations.  In this entry, he has a special date with Dick Cheney…

Last weekend i couldn’t find anyone to go watch meet the press or read the nation with over a Venti americano so i went fly fishing instead with Richard. (or as he’s known to Saudi Arabia and these United States, Vice President Dick Cheney, Esq.) We usually go alone. He needs the quiet time; I need companionship of a strong male. However this time i brought my friend Tammy aka chartreuse and soda. Dick was hesitant at first to have a woman infringe on our man love time, not to mention the media brouhaha over a grown man with a younger woman but I made a deal with him. And so she came.

And boy did she impress him! Not only did she have a grasp of energy policy but her fly fishing bested even Lynn’s long standing record of 23,000 guppies. We ended the day with Colt 45s.

I bought an obscenely expensive pair of pants the other day. I went to Odin down in SoHo and found this pair of black jeans by Rag & Bone. If this suddenly makes me a fashion fag, feel free to shoot me. However, they fit me perfectly, are incredibly stiff and sturdy, and give me a little bit of a butt. They make me feel like this:

And by that picture I mean I feel totally studly. Obviously. I am going to be so fresh for spring.

While my pants were a perfect match, there was some unfortunate guy in front of me in the dressing room that kept having the same problem every pair he tried on. Read More!

I think this speaks for itself. I am so sorry, lonelyBoyInPhoenix16, so so sorry. I would say you are definitely a very special victim, worthy of Dr. George Huang’s attention in the interrogation room, after Stabler roughs you up.

This week Meat Picnic brings you the fable of a little yellow man whose sorrow nobody knew.