I’m leaving for the West Coast guys. Going camping with some friends. Going camping in conjunction with Lazy Bear Weekend!

The only problem with this is that as publisher and editor of this blog, there will be nothing new here to entertain you until I get back. The Social Crisis will return in a week, ya’ll.

But really, guys, I’m going to be camping and running around in the woods and making masks. I need to know my spirit animal for this crazy vision quest I’m about to embark on in northern California. Some have suggested that it’s a red panda, although I think I’m more like a koala. Obviously an internet poll posted in my absence is the best way to determine this. Find the poll after the jump. Read More!

Last night I had the total and complete pleasure of seeing Mamma Mia! the movie. I really don’t even know where to begin with this movie. WARNING SPOILER ALERTS ABOUND IN THE ENTRY (but like, really, who the fuck cares about a spoiler alert for Mamma Mia!) My friend Pete most likely summarized the moments that make this movie incredible the best via one of his Twitters:

FabergeLeggs Mamma mia: shouldnt every film have a pulsating mosaic dolphin? Barring that, a cougar christine baranski on a jetski.

Even though something deep inside me was moved to see it on the big screen, I really wasn’t sure what to expect out of this movie. That was until Meryl Streep starts singing “Money Money Money” and the entire thing fades into a fantasy montage that involves on the bow of a ship, draped in yards of flowing, silken fabrics blowing in the wind, while Christine Baranski and Julie Walters sit atop Jet skis locked on the deck of the boat on either side of her. That shot fades away to a shot of Meryl Streep’s face superimposed into the center of a roulette wheel while she holds five poker cards in her hand. At that point I realized exactly what sort of movie this would be and couldn’t be happier. The rest of the audience seemed to agree, as no one ever objected to my incessant giggling and outbursts of “wait… what the fuck is actually going on?”

But really, guys, while the movie is fun, it makes exactly zero sense. Was Meryl Streep drunk the whole time? Read More!

Have you guys heard about the ever growing phenomenon of the New Old Gay? Doree Shafrir, part of the troupe of internet-famous ex-Gawker editors, has written a piece (of shit) for the New York Observer today that explains it all for you.

Doree offers up her insight into what she calls the “New Old Gay” identity, which seems to be based entirely on a one night she spent at Musical Monday at Splash.

To be classified as a New Old Gay requires more than an appreciation of Patti LuPone, though love of somewhat tragic, just a tad grotesque, totally fabulous divas is a requirement. In some ways the New Old Gay can be read as a reassertion of a gay identity that had all but been given up for dead: If gays can be married and have children and live contentedly in the suburbs, or on the other end of the spectrum, do the same drugs at the same loft parties as their Oberlin classmates, and if everyone thinks AIDS is no more serious than diabetes, then, really, what’s the difference between the gays and the straights? By dialing back to and reinventing the old gay stereotypes, they may have the best shot at reclaiming gayness as something actually different.

It’s akin to the ways in which identity politics have played out for various minorities and ethnic groups; everyone makes this huge effort to assimilate, and then, after 10 or 20 years or so, they realize: It’s boring!

And thus, the New Old Gay appreciates and embraces camp and high kitsch, but not ironically; ultimately, the New Old Gay is earnest. He doesn’t even necessarily have to be into musical theater, though he almost always is.

Really? AIDS viewed to be as a manageable illness on the same level as Diabetes? So is GMHC irelevant now? Are you trying to tell me that there’s no reason for me to continue using condoms? I’m so glad that someone is finally recognizing the way that a deadly virus has been embraced by a clueless population and turned into a non-issue. Read More!

Speaking of Margaret Cho, the loudmouthed lady comedian is about to reinvent her career with a reality show. But unlike “D-List” success story Kathy Griffin, Margaret Cho was never even a little funny.

I’ve already gone on at length about why I think Kathy Griffin is essentially awful. She treats her gay male fans like pets, glorifying them in a manner that comes off as gentle fun-poking, when in reality is merely a marketing tool (that has, needless to say, worked like a charm).

And yet, I somehow find Margaret Cho more offensive, and not just because - again - her “dirty, edgy” humor makes Carlos Mencia look like George Carlin (hush yo’ mouth!). It’s bad enough when a comedian’s home run is dependent upon race relations, but Margaret Cho quickly traded the “My mom is crazy!” bit for something significantly ickier: the self-positioned “outsider” stance.

Although she’s now slender and married to a dude, Margaret Cho was - at one point - chubby and “bisexual” [and Korean - IMAGINE THAT!]. She swiftly adopted the “oddball” status that has since been mainstreamed by Pete Wentz and his army of Emo kids in eyeliner and skinny jeans. By doing so, she went totally LGBT-friendly, calling herself “queer,” fondling a vagina or two, and taking up burlesque (the unofficial hazing ritual for any overweight lady who even thinks about going lez). Thus, Cho acquired a gay fan-base. Are homos really that easily manipulated into disguised consumerism? (Answer: Yes. Yes they are.)

And that, readers, is likely how she got to write an idiotic (and dare I say “destructive”) piece in this month’s Advocate titled “Dick O’Clock.”

Most fag hags agree that the best times they’ve ever had were at gay bars, sharing precious moments with their fags, drinking lovely pink cocktails and dancing and laughing the night away.

Until it becomes “dick o’clock.” You know what time that is, don’t you? It is when all the gay men in the club simultaneously start looking for dick.

Margaret Cho, you see, is a dear, dear friend to gay guys. She can say “fag” and it’s okay. She’s in the club, you see? She, herself, is a self-appointed “fag hag” because - that’s right - she knows the terminology [bitches]! Read More!

So this one time Kyle and I were sitting around at Erin’s house having beers and watching Desperate Housewives or something equally vapid and came up with the best joke ever. It’s a show called America’s Next Top Margaret Cho. It involves a bevy of AZNs trying to become America’s next top Margaret Cho by competing in a modelling competition. It has since become this video made by me. Enjoy the weirdest short video ever put on the internet.

America’s Next Top Margaret Cho from Colin on Vimeo.

Remember the Cindi tumblelog we made? That was the fake life of a fictional hipster? The worst kind of hipster girl? Kyle’s been posting a lot of pictures and I occasionally post some text and we’re still keeping it up. But this morning I had a conversation that made me question whether it was parody… or actually a representation our real lives.

me: are you going to deerhoof tonight?
because EVERYONE’s going
Hannah: probably
hahahaha
me: hahaha
Hannah: i hate deerhoof
me: i assume cindi is over them but needs to make an appearance
HOW CAN YOU HATE DEERHOOF?!?!?!?!
OMG CINDI
Hannah: but i’m psyched on the idea of a experimental orchestra doing rites of spring
they are so dull
they are both precious and pretentious
me: haha, but they’re cute and fun
Hannah: i want to kill them
HOWEVER
me: i don’t think they’re pretentious at all
precious I’ll give you
Hannah: apparently the guitarist from xbxrx and the flying luttenbachers plays with them now
which is rad
me: HAHAHAHAHA
omg, I love it
Hannah: god i hate myself
me: you’re making me shit myself
Hannah: I AM NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE
me: I KNOW
you’re the best at it
Hannah: BEST ON ACCIDENT
UGGGHHHHHHH
also i am so hungover i want to die
BECAUSE CINDI (read: ME) WENT TO BOTH ENIDS HAPPY HOURS LAST NIGHT

Fuck.

DO you like comic books? Brent certainly does. Brent Rinehart that is. Have you met our friend Brent? He only likes beer on tap and dikes, but he’s also the Commissioner of a bright red anal state, Oklahoma. AND is also sort of an comic book wunderkind, or at least he wants to be. This fall he is being charged with assorted felonies and campaign-finance oriented crimes (natch), so one Meth fueled night he decided to lash out at all you anal polygamists who ruined his career and drew up a creative defense, kind of like Maus, but WAY BETTER. SWEET. (the link downloads the comic).

In a film naturally dominated by a cast of downtown, off-the-radar artists, actors, and overall “personalities,” it was not easy for any one performer to necessarily give a “breakthrough” performance in John Cameron Mitchell’s sweet, endlessly clever 2007 film Shortbus. Nevertheless, Jay Brannan, a guitar-strumming prettyboy, who plays Ceth, a guitar-strumming prettyboy (with a name spelled funny because he’s, y’know, quirky and shit), clearly stands out among his co-stars. Brannan not only makes Ceth likable in a role that otherwise might be seen as whiny and self-congratulatory, but his charisma as an actor (and his butt*) is additionally undeniable.

“Soda Shop,” Brannan’s original song featured in Shortbus, served as a prime example of his signature style of songwriting. With a lilting falsetto and biting, confessional lyrics, Brannan - on his new album Goddamned - is essentially Sara Bareilles, doused in gay with a pinch of Rent-inspired urban melodrama: the music is fine enough, and that’s all you need to know. He’s not Mozart, nor is he trying to be.

What’s kind of icky about Brannan, however, is that doesn’t just use his looks to sell records in a traditional pop manner (see Enrique Iglesias, Britney Spears, post-crazy Mariah), but does so in a grossly calculated, arugbly postmodern way in which he feigns vulnerability and overt self-awareness. Whether it’s drooling daddies, eager thirtysomething urbanites, or midwestern twinks looking for their own John Mayer, Brannan has crossed over into the mainstream via D.I.Y. YouTube videos in which he often sings his songs topless (and sometimes - in a move akin to that of a high school senior who didn’t the lead part in Guys And Dolls - naked) . Y’know, Jay’s just another gorgeous guy without his shirt on, singing sensitive ditties about rejection and loneliness, which are the same feelings experienced by folks just like you. Read More!

Know what I am suddenly and irrationally inspired and excited by? Marzipan.

Remember when Snopes debunked the myth of the marzipan babies in 2005? Those were exciting times in the internet world, but I think it’s time we start creating new internet memes by making new ridiculous marzipan sculptures a reality. Really, I just cant’s stop thinking about how delicious those babies would taste if they were real.

Also, I was inspired by the marzipan on this week’s episode of Weeds. Lame. I know. But I think something magical can happen from this idea, even if it is partially inspired by a quote from a TV show.
I’ve been trying to make this happen and am stumped about how to estimate the volume per pound of marzipan. Here’s the dilemma. WWTTD (What Would Thu Tran Do)? Read More!

I saw Wall-E yesterday. It’s making me question by general contempt for recent Pixar/Dreamworks productions, which I generally find to be lazy slapstick comedies that try to teach lazy, sentimental values that lack any real thought or analysis. I was told that it’s a truly emo movie (it was) where Wall-E sits around watching old movies and pining for a love he’s never had. Considering I love anything that might bring a tear to my eye and involves wimpy male characters, I agreed to see it. And I have to say it was super cute and I didn’t think it was all bad. I (srsly) almost cried at a couple points.

Erin: how was wall e?
should i go see it?
me: omg
you would love it
i actually cried out “oh no” in a high pitched voice at one point
really loudly when I was too involved in the action
Erin: yesssssss
me: even though I have a lot of criticisms
it’s super cute and fun
like, REALLY cute
it’s majorly an erin movie
you will be obsessed after you see it
omg, it’s so cute
plus there are obese people who learn to live again

And now for the criticisms and these include numerous spoiler alerts. Read More!