The Washington PostDemocracy Dies in Darkness

Ask Sahaj: I need closure after a close friend ghosted me

(María Alconada Brooks/The Washington Post; iStock)
5 min

Dear Sahaj: I’m hoping for help seeking closure in a friendship. After several years in the same area, my friend moved several states away — to a wonderful job, a wonderful spouse, and a growing family. We successfully stayed in touch (chats, text, visits, etc.) for quite a while after their move until suddenly … nothing. It’s embarrassing to admit, but for nearly a year I kept up trying to engage, with maybe only a few responses back. Just enough to make me hope they would reciprocate.

It hurts to acknowledge I’ve been ghosted, but it’s hard to imagine what else it could be, as much as I’ve wanted to give this truly wonderful person the benefit of the doubt. We never had a falling-out, and that we were able to maintain our friendship for quite a while after their move has left me feeling even more confused and sad. We were close for years, and I’m hurt that this is how they handled it.

Have a question for Sahaj? Ask her here.

I still love this friend and wish they were in my life, but at the same time have to realize they aren't signaling the same. I was hoping for some advice, but in particular I was wondering about sending them a text or an email — something kind and positive that implies no blame but that asks for the closure I don't have, or at least clearly communicates that the ball is in their court.

— Missing a Friend